My grandma has been hanging out in San Diego this month and, being the loving granddaughter that I am, I’ve been making a concerted effort to call her daily to keep her in the loop about life and hear about her adventures. I was telling her today about my deepest fear: the fear of failure. To me, not getting a job here and having to move back to Northern California would be the epitome of failure. I have been so 100% set on finding a job in London that I had put other options out of my mind entirely.
Yesterday, though, I applied for a job in DC. It’s the first non-London-based job that I’ve actually been quite thrilled about. I was trying to explain to my grandma that this job-hunting business has caused me quite a bit of confusion. I want to stay in London. I love it here. Aside from the weather, there’s really nothing I don’t love. The job in DC got me thinking though. This particular job I applied for was completely 100% up my alley; I couldn’t have written a better ‘Perfect Job’ description. Not that I would get this job, necessarily, but the prospect of wanting a particular job in the US more than any specific job in London made me wonder about what’s actually important. Is it the location or is it the job? As much as I want to stay here, it would be wrong of me to pass on a better job opportunity. If the job is going to challenge me and grant me an entry-point for a potentially amazing career, picking location over job would be a very poor decision. (I can only hope/wish/dream/pray that a good job happens to be had in London!)
At this point in our conversation, my uber religious grandma told me that she was going to pray for me (and subsequently asked that I find the nearest Catholic church so I could pray for myself as well). I told her that I would pray; that I would pray to find a good job in London. She paused for a minute and then followed up my comment. “I’m going to pray that God will guide you in the path that’s best for you.”
Interesting thought. I don’t consider myself a religious person by any means, but the thought was a good one. I had been thinking about everything in a mindset that was far too narrow. I assume, rather ignorantly, that I always know what’s best for my life and how the future will play out. Surely there are points in life where you have to go where the world takes you. Perhaps getting a job here isn’t what’s best for me. Maybe there’s a job in DC or New York that’s more up my alley that would provide me with better opportunities in the future. Ultimately, I suppose it comes down to one reality: I have no idea what the future holds. I don’t how staying in London or going to DC, NY or somewhere else entirely will change my life. The places we choose to go are going to shape our careers, our friendships and may even dictate where we’ll spend a good portion of our lives. It’s scary, but in the end you have to make a choice, right? You can’t look at the other road; your alternative life. It’s about growing up, taking responsibility for your decisions, making a choice and sticking with it. There’s no point in looking back — there’s a lot of future to still look forward to. So, in honor of my grandma, before I go to sleep tonight I think I might actually pray (or whatever… think out loud in the direction of the ceiling). Instead of praying for a job in London though, I’m going to pray for the right job…. wherever that may be.
Love from London,
PS. Want to read a great article about ‘emerging adulthood’ (i.e. twentysomethings as late bloomers)? Check out this amazing NY Times article by Robin Henig!
Very wise point from your Grandma! And I think so right: we might THINK we want one thing but actually, that’s because we aren’t seeing the big picture, or because we don’t know what’s about to happen, or because there’s something even better just around the corner, or because we aren’t ready for what we think we want. Plus, the best things that happen to us are often unplanned for.
BTW, I’m not saying staying in London isn’t the right option at all – I ALWAYS think that it is :)
Definitely agree — staying in London would be ideal, but realizing that there are so many different paths makes me feel infinitely more optimistic about things! :)